30 Indicators You Could Be a Curmudgeon

You Might be a Curmudgeon...

...if you are descended from a father who frowned when a church song leader called on everyone to smile.

...if you are descended from a father who in the early days of feminism responded to a receptionist who offered to get him a cup of coffee, "I didn't think y'all did that anymore."

...if you are descended from a father (who answered,"fried" when a Yankee's asked how he liked seafood, to which the man responded, "That's the way YOU like it") who answered, "That's what I said."

...if you find Elizabeth Warren to be the most obnoxious politician of your lifetime.

...if you like the way Mitch McConnell looks and speaks.

...if what others call pessimistic you regard as a reasonable and rational realism.

...if sometimes you think Job's wife gave good advice.

...if you are tempted to deliver a crippling body blow to anyone who says, "How can we turn this negative into a positive?"

...if you have an empathetic understanding of Greta Garbo's famous saying.

...if you think multi-culturalism is destroying the highest form of civilization mankind has produced.

...if sometimes when the family is having fun at Christmastime you disappear for awhile.

...if you'd rather hear H.L. Mencken than Robert Schuller deliver a sermon.

...if you are mystified how any man can identify with Joel Osteen.

...if you think putting John Wayne in charge for 5 years could fix most of society's ills.

...if you wonder, if Christian women are raising their sons to be the kind of men they think their husbands should be, who in the future will play football, fight the wars, take charge in times of crisis, and man-up?

...if you would not be disappointed if the NFL disbanded.

...if you know the NBA plays some game, but not basketball.

...if you think baseball players should be forbidden to wear jewelry and required to wear the bottom of their pants at the knee.

...if you'd like to deliver an uppercut to Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer and say, "Good night, sweet princess and prince."

...if you like D.G. Hart even though he makes snarky comments about the church year.

...if you like to tell D.G. Hart that his great book The Lost Soul of American Protestantism bore fruit many years later in making an Episcopalian of you.

...if you have concluded that The Episcopal Church doesn't know what to do with all the emphasis on repentance during Advent because there are no sins save homophobia, white and male privilege, and in general not approving acts and attitudes condemned by John the Baptist.

...if it's clear to you that in your own little corner of the ecclesiastical world Anglo-catholicism means the English Catholic, without the Pope, the church of Henry VIII, not the church of Cranmer, Edward, or Elizabeth.

...if, when you arrive in heaven and are greeted by a song leader or praise team and told you have to sing gospel hymns and/or praise and worship songs, you will wonder if you arrived in heaven.

...if you think retailers, who put out Halloween stuff while summer sales are still going on, Christmas as soon as Halloween over, Valentine's as soon as Christmas Eve is over, Easter as soon as Valentine's is over, should be executed till the rest get the message.

...if you think the para-church is not beside but in competition with the church.

...if you think it would be more accurate to call "naturalist- physicians" "non- physicians."

...if you think it is ridiculous that a man or woman can vote in elections and die for their country but may not buy a six pack of beer or a pack of cigarettes.

...if you think Steve Bannon needs a shave and a shower.

...if you read The Curmudgeon and agree with him 50% of the time and think he's nuts the other 50%.

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